Randy's Journal!!!

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February 18, 2002 1:22 AM

This isn't exactly a journal entry, just wanted to let you know that it's getting more and more difficult to find time to update. As much as I love getting to share my life, it takes a lot of effort to maintain this site. I'm not saying that I am shutting down, but just to let people be aware that I can't update as much as I'd like with midterms and Samahang. However, I always check my email, so if you ever REALLY wants to know what's going on, go ahead and email me. I really do welcome the opportunity to share my life, but you'll just have to let me know before hand. Maybe during my spring break I have a chance to spice this site up, as well as the family archives, but in the meantime, take care everyone! R

January 23, 2002 12:00 AM

Another late night, once again. Had a long day. Started around 9 in the morning. Had some breakfast before heading to my Philippine history course at 11. Just came in to pick up the paper topic and the first few minutes of lecture, becuase I had to go to the Philippine consulate in downtown at 11:30 protesting the presence of American troops in the Philippines. Basically, the US has decided to continue its campaign against terrorism and said that the next target is the Philippines against the Abu Sayyaf. Now, I don't know whether to think that the Abu Sayyaf are righteous or if they are violent terrorists, but knowing what happened in Afganistan, I know that a new war in the Philippines will definitely mean the killing of civilians. The governments of the United States and the Philippines obviously think that the price in human life and in the violation of human rights is acceptable, while a crowd of us in downtown LA think otherwise.

Now that I think about it, lately I've encountered the issue of human rights a lot. Just this past Sunday I was at a book signing with Wen Ho Lee, the Chinese American nuclear scientist working at Los Alamos who was scapegoated by the American government for supposedly selling secrets to China, tossed into solitary confinement for 8 months without substantial cause or conviction, and later freed, with the government admitting that Wen Ho Lee was not a spy. It bothers me so much that the government, which in its ideal is supposed to be "by the people, for the people" and governed by the rule of law and respecting human rights, can trample over human rights so easily, bending any rule that it wishes, creating any propaganda and misinformation as it wishes, and not be accountable when it does make a mistake. If Samahang, or any student organization for that matter, were as corrupt as the government, it would be dissolved in a matter of months. The only thing that keeps the government in power is force, and corrupt people who are unwilling to take of their blinders so they can serve their own personal agendas with as little remorse as possible.

What makes this protest stick out in my mind the most were the idiots too blind and too stupid to listen. There was one punk in his suit and tie mocking us as he walked into the building. I was happy that I had the megaphone at the time, so I could point the megaphone toward his ignorant ass to shout that fucker down. Then there was the van driver who honked so we could look up when he gave us the finger. Fortunately, when incidents like those occur I stay pretty mellow and continue with my work. But as it is with provacative acts like that, those things start to gnaw at me and the more I think about it, the more the anger builds up, and the violent feelings start to come up. These are assholes that don't see that this campaign is out to kill people! It's not these shitheads that are being sent to the Philippines risking their lives. It's not these baggages of human waste that are going to be caught in the crossfire. They are the innocent who are going to die, and it's motherfuckers like them that make me want to think that average Americans don't care about people! "Who cares about human lives, anyway?!?! This is AMERICA, all I care about is getting that six-figure salary and filling up my gas tank at a low price. I'm also going to let my thirst for vengence make my decision making, since I'm not going to pay for the consequences because some idiot willing to defend this country will pay it for me." As a brown person, I can smell the cowardice in this country, and the stench is horrible.

If you've made it this far, you can tell that this has been bothering me all day. It's gotten me to think more critically about my nomination for Community Projects Coordinator. I am going to have a greater involvement in rallies like these and emotions are going to run high. They ran high at the Repeal SP-1 and SP-2 rally last year; they ran high today (fortunately not during the rally). It pisses me off that I have to go the extra mile to empathize with these fools so I can tolerate their voice and their face. That somehow, I have to tell myself that they are just ignorant, and should they listen and know the facts that they would change their mind. I also have to remind myself to keep my own righteous emotions in check, because Lord knows that my beliefs are not perfect and are not without prejudice nor fault. That I must be an open listener, even if I don't like what I hear, and account for it somehow. Reactionary activists are wild, unproductive, and even dangerous, and I would be careful to avoid such a title. Damnit, why do I have to do everything the hard way?

In other news I slept through my EE lecture, went to a meeting with our retention project staff, danced in the cold with the Igorot suite, went to another meeting, this time with leadership of the other Pilipino orgs on campus, and then couch potatoed in front of the TV, watching the Rumble in the Jungle on ESPN Classic, which, by the way, is TEN times more entertaining than "Ali" the movie. Yuck! It's really not worth writing about here, but if you really want my opinion, you've got my email. So that's all. Good night, and I'll talk to y'all soon. Randy

January 21, 2002, 2:09 PM

Ahhhh, the first three day weekend of the quarter, and I finally have time to update my journal, sort of. I have some physics homework and some reading, so I've got to get going on that soon. So far the first three weeks have been good, but it's still tiring to be a student again. The class I'm most concerned about is my Philippine history course. About 100 pages of reading a week. Horrible. But the subject matter is interesting enough.

Oh, just before I returned to LA I had a weekend retreat with Samahang board in San Francisco. It was a great retreat. I think it was definitely something we needed. We didn't have too many opportunities to get to know each other as people 'cuz we were too busy scrambling to catch up with work. I just feel a lot more comfortable working with board now, now that we're all on the same page. Most of us are going to see Vietnamese Culture Night tonight, so that'll be really exciting. Nothing geared up for Pilipino Cultural Night than watching one of your counterpart's shows. Except maybe dancing half naked on 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. :-P

The other main thing to note is that my friend Eric is now in Southern California with me. He transferred from Diablo Valley in the Bay to USC. I'm real happy for him, although going to 'SC gives me another reason to hate him. :-P Honestly, there are times I wonder how I manage to put up with him. He is one of the most blunt people I've ever met in my life! Let's just say that it doesn't surprise me how he can piss off so many people. At the same time he's always been real generous when I've needed a favor, and has always been willing to go the extra mile. He's always been an ass when I've tried to pay for my share of things, insisting that he pick up the tab, like a $40 parking ticket he got while visiting me. He's the only friend I have that I've known for more than a decade, so I guess that means somethin', huh? Well, it's cool to finally have someone down here that actually knew me in high school. Just hope Eric manages to duck the bullets. heh heh

On a last note, I really do want to put up a random thoughts page, but still haven't had time to put it up. I've already got some thoughts movin' around in this big ole' brain of mine, and I promise I'll have it up by the end of the quarter. In the meantime, stay safe y'all. Randy

January 1, 2002, 9:13 PM

Welcome to the new year everyone! Hope all of you had a good time last night, spending time with people you care about, maybe with a significant other. As for myself, I did lots of the former, but, being single, did none of the latter. It's all good, since I made up for it by hangin' out with cousins, playing video games, and watching WWF Raw is War. This was actually a fun New Year's for me; normally I'd be unconscious when the new year came by.

Over the past week I've been staying pretty low-key, just staying indoors, playing video games and working out. When you've got so much down time, you get a chance to reflect on a lot of things, about vacation, the year, my life. How has this year been for me? Aside from the tragedy of 9/11, this year has been really good for me. College life has just been a great experience. Being away from home and going to a place as vibrant at UCLA has really energized my life. I've met so many wonderful people, and I have the opportunity to interact with so many more. I've also been introduced with so many ideas, learning how the world works and thinks. Yeah, I know college life is a pseudo-reality; I still don't really have to worry about bills or earning a paycheck, but it's still closer to being exposed to real life than ever before. If anything, I've learned that life is hard, no matter what road you decide to take, whether you go to college or not, become an engineer, or an actor, or a social worker. Somewhere along the line, you have to take your bumps, and it's how you take them that determines success. If you have the movie "Requiem for a Dream" on DVD, get a chance to see Ellen Burstyn's interview of Hubert Selby Jr., the author of the novel. He says that the American Dream is a life without pain, and it's the persuit of this impossible dream that makes us suffer so much. You can't end pain in the world, but if you can accept your pain, you can end your suffering. To end suffering: my resolution for 2002.

Well I've got to wrap this thing up. I'm in the last week of my vacation and I've got to prepare for the trip back to LA. To you, happy new year, and my blessings. Randy

December 26, 2001, 11:58 PM

Merry belated Christmas to all! I really hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas, with plenty of joy and laughter 'n all that good stuff. For some of youse, it might mean lots of presents, but I've come to learn that more material wealth can be a burden in disguise, so for those of you who have been blessed (or cursed) with tons of presents, good luck to you in putting all of your gifts to good use!

As for myself, I had a great Christmas. We had a huge family party at my house, which has definitely evolved since a few years ago. For one thing, everyone's a few years older, and when you are talking about my generation, which numbered this year to around 30+, many of whom are adolescents who grow up like crazy, a few years seems like ages ago. Kids who I used to tower over now tower over me. Cousins who were my playmates now had jobs and had boyfriends or girlfriends. It really hit me when I saw a cousin who is in her third trimester when it really hit me how far we've really come. Cousins five, six years older than me already have spouses and children. I honestly don't see myself having either in six years, but I can see the torch of the family beginning to pass to the next generation, and the real world looks a lot closer now than it did a few days ago. I'm not scared, but I do have a better idea of the responsibility that I have as an adult. Words can't really express what I'm thinking right now, it's just a feeling that wasn't there before. Not good, not bad, just, different, that's all.

Sorry about that, got caught up in all these abstracts and my fingers went loopy on me. I'm thinking about adding a random thoughts page, a place where I can just talk about the future and philosophy and weird stuff like that. I end up thinking about loopy stuff all the time, and I'm thinking that some of y'all like that stuff while others would want me to shove it, so I'll try to do some organizing so my journal might be more tangent I should say, and I could just reference stuff from the journal to the thoughts page, so you won't have to sift through all that fuzzy stuff. Cool? Wait a minute, what am I asking YOU for, it's my #@%!*&$? site. :-P

Oh wait, I had another day of doing things to talk about. On Christmas night after the party my sister Michelle was having a sleepover at her place, and since the group was leaving for San Francisco that morning, it would be convenient if all of us going to SF slept over. So it ended up being myself, Michelle, my other sister Maria, and my cousins Gab, Belle, Darah, and Emmylou. We watched two movies, Once Upon a Time in China 3 (Jet Li kicking major ass) and Iron Monkey (Jet Li's character as a kid kicking major ass). And that 'twas my Chiristmas.

On the day AFTER Christmas we broke for SF. We all went to Pier 39 and met up with my Uncle Dante (Darah's father), another cousin Jonas, and his wife Gemma (sp?). The group minus myself, Gab, and my sisters took the Bay Cruise tour, while we went and ate crab. Mmmmmm. After that we met up w/them again, went shopping at Fisherman's Wharf when we found this really cool place that sold college wear for cheap(-er). I went nuts and got a black UCLA baseball jersey and a gold fleece, and got my sisters another UCLA fleece and a sweater (Hey, if they're toutin' the letters, I'm all for it). That effectively lightened my wallet, so for the rest of the shopping at the Old Navy on Market, I had to use credit card. Oh, and in the middle there we had lunch at a buffet w/mussels and sushi. Mmmmmm.

OK, that's all of my funky as entry. Now I have to go and change my quote on my cell phone so it says "End Suffering". Why am I doing that? Maybe I'll let you know when the thoughts page comes out (hint, hint). Peace and good will to you all (y'all). RB

December 23, 2001 7:54 PM

I'm beginning to think that getting this Playstation was a bad idea, 'cuz right now I don't see how I can study when I have Gran Turismo or Dance Dance Revolution. I was supposed to be doing more constructive things this Christmas, like redesign my website and read. I guess I will just have to be content with my website and my reading comprehension as it is. OK, gotta go back and set up my DDR pads again. Late! R.

December 19, 2001 1:03 AM

It's official. I finally have my first playstation! I admit I am a bit behind, considering the console came out about 3 years ago or so, but for $50, it was just about my price. Including both controllers, both Smackdown games, two Dance Dance Revolution pads, and a mod chip for playing ripped games, I estimate the total to be about $150. Not bad, considering all the crap I'm getting. Nevertheless, it is quite a lot of money, and I have been spending a lot of it. And to think, I'm not even done with my Christmas shopping yet...

Visited my old high school today. It was a pleasant visit. Believe me, knowing that you aren't under their regulations and you can actually see teachers as real people, the atmosphere becomes so much more pleasant, although I still get the chills when the cattle call bell sounds or the Big Brother speakerphone sounds off. Don't got much more to say about that, guess most of the bitter feelings have faded into the past, although I still wonder what type of drama still goes there. Well, 'tis not the season to worry about such things now. Let's just all be thankful that in one week, those students will be free, at least until January. Speaking of freedom and lockdown, I wonder how my friend Kristina is doing. :-P

Until next time, Randy

December 15, 2001 12:24 AM

Well folks, I am finally home! It's good to be back, although I certainly don't miss the cold. :-P The ride back was really interesting. Got into a debate with my dad about the status of public schools and the need for students to go, long debate, but overall constructive. I type this entry on my old, decrepit Packard Bell computer, 150 MHz processor and only 2.0 GB of memory. My god how I've been spoiled. I was just going through an old file of mine that I'd kept on my computer of things that I'd saved from high school. It was weird, looking at myself through old files. There were some old pieces I wrote, like beginning drafts of my valedictorian address, a dialogue based on an elementary schoolyard, and an old goodbye letter to my final high school theater cast. Some were written quite eloquently I'd have to say, although it was a tad on the sentimental. I realize now that I've come to be much more critical and less preachy on the optimistic, although I still hope for the best. God, I read these things and suddenly I'm totally driven back to my years of high school angst! Funny, when I reflect on myself today, part of me feels like that phase hasn't quite transitioned over quite yet...hmmmmmm. Well, what's past is past.

Anyway, I just pray I can get this update to you in the next few days. Wow, that'd be nice... anyway, until next time, Randy :-P

Supplemental, 1:19 AM

I can't sleep. It's weird sleeping in my old room again. Whenever I think back on home, I always think of the fond memories, but I almost always forget about the deafening silence of the house. Not that I forget the lonliness, but the sensation of that silence that sounds like someone rounding their finger on a moist glass, amplified to the umpteenth degree.

It doesn't mean I don't like being home, but after spending the past three months on a floor with 60+ people, somehow it just doesn't feel right having this much floorspace being occupied by only four people. It's been less than 12 hours, but already I miss the company. It's strange not seeing Adeste's bed in the room, or knowing that Lara and Zara are not on the other side of the hall, or Maricar and Alyeesa, or John and Richard, or that Tabin or Demelza won't be stopping by for a visit, or that Audrey won't be there to talk about her "sea monkeys", and the list goes on. I'm not depressed or anything, it's just a strange sensation.

After realizing I couldn't sleep, I thought I should go downstairs and read the paper, after all, I had not read about Bay Area news in a long time. I was particularly interested in what the SF Chronicle had to say about Jason Giambi's departure for the Yanks, but leave it to the Chronicle to give the Giambi departure article a crappy side column when it seems like everyone and their mamma is talking about it on the major league baseball website. No respect, I tells ya'. So I went to the other big headline, about Israel severing diplomatic ties with Arafat. Wow, I'm supposed to be a university-educated college student, and yet the degree at which I am grossly uninformed is staggering. Blame LA media for filling it with trash like "Workouts that will boost your buttocks" and "The new sex drug: we don't know if it's safe, but will it really enhance your performance?" And Bay Area folks, yes, I am absolutely serious. Come down to LA, and I'll prove it.

After the paper, I was thinkin' that I might be a little hungry, so I stepped into the kitchen. I didn't get anything; I just ended up opening all the cupboards and both refridgerators to see what was there. It was when I opened the tall cupboard near the doorway when I realized that I could clearly see all the items on top of the cupboard without obstruction. I don't ever recall a time when I was tall enough to do so. I started comparing myself with all the cupboards, and realized that they all looked different, at least from how I remembered them. It probably all sounds stupid to you, but I just remember when I was younger, having to get on my tip-toes or pulling a chair to help me get to those tallest shelves, and now I can do all of that by myself with ease. Time really did fly, huh?

The entire lower portion is hardwood floor, and I was freezing my ass off, so I decided to go upstairs when I realized that I hadn't been in my grandma's room, so I went in. She was sleeping, so I entered quietly. It seemed like the only place in the house that was exactly as I remembered it: stereo blinking from her unplugging it to plug in the iron, the clock from chinatown that used to make the most irritating sounds on the hour, the sky blue futon that originally wasn't, the oval mirror over the desk, the photo memorial for my grandfather, and the bronze cross on top of the doorway from the casket. I saw her sleeping there, and it reminded me of the times when I would sneak in when my grandfather was sleeping, snoring like a walrus, or something like that. I then looked at the floor, remembering how his body was positioned when he died. Some things you just remember with a sentimental fuzziness, and others are just burnt in your mind with striking detail. That was almost six years ago. I still miss him.

It is 1:57 now and I hope I've thrown enough off my chest to get to sleep. I have a feeling the awkwardness will clear away soon enough; my computer with a DVD player will be set up very soon.

Good night, peeps.

December 13, 2001 8:39 PM

Ahhh, it's nice to know when you know you have no classes to attend, no finals to study for, just no school in general. School tends to take away a lot of time from a student, time that a guy could use to update websites, you know? Well all of that is over and now I'm just chillin', waitin' for my dad to pick me up tomorrow. My god, so much has happened since the last time I wrote. Let's see, the performance for Star Cross'd went really well. I was really pleased with how everything turned out. I was especially excited about Sunday's performance. That night most of my folks from Samahang got to see the show. For the first time in a long time, I had got nervous for a show. It was weird; one second, I was just checking my email, the next I was reading an email from Janice (Samahang's president), sayin' that she wanted folks to come to my show, 'n suddenly I got the butterflies! It was that point that I realized that I had never acted in front of my friends before! You see, I don't really worry about acting in front of strangers; they don't know me 'n I don't know them, they don't know my real personality, and so it wouldn't be awkward for them to see me act all drunk 'n stuff. But my friends on the other hand, all they've seen is this nice, friendly guy (I hope) and have never seen me act so...nasty. :-P I was thinkin': "My god, they've never seen me like this before...what are they gonna say after the show?!?" Well I did get a chance to talk to them after the show 'n all I got was love 'n support. At the only show that my family didn't a get a chance to see, I realized then that my friends at Samahang have really become my family away from home. To you wonderful guys and gals, I send my heartfelt thanks. And to everyone that came to the show, thank you, your support means a lot.

Of course, after the show, I really didn't have time to soak in the praise because we have a little event here at UCLA called finals week which pretty much make or break the past three months we've spent here. I was really hell-bent on catching up since Hell Week and my cold knocked me out of school for the entire week (and, don't worry mom 'n pops, I took care of all my graded work, so don't worry none). So, with the exception of a University Chorus concert on the 4th, I basically went nuts, studied my butt off, went to loads of review sessions, and caught up as best as I possibly could. I also had a nasty third english paper and final. They weren't nasty 'cuz they were hard or my professor was mean, they were just really badly timed. Of course, part of it is my bad, I didn't plan all that well, but I got the job done. I also thought I did pretty well on the Math final, but of course you never know. Anyway, I'm not thinking about any of that, I'm just putting that behind me and looking forward to the long drive home.

Speaking of that drive, I've noticed that I've really looked forward to that long drive to the Bay Area with my dad. It's really nice to spend that time with him for a few hours together. I'll drive some, then he'll drive some, we'll do some talking about what's been going on, it's some really good quality time. For you folks still living with your parents, you probably can't appreciate that time with your parents the same way, but when you've been gone for months and you've been out of the loop and haven't seen each other for a while, I can't think of a better way to spend a day.

Oh, by the way, it's 11:24 PM right now. If you're wondering why it took me almost three hours to write this thing, I was inspired to do some renovation to the site. I still want to work a bit on the navigation on the title page, but so far I like the touch up. Of course, tell me what you think and sign the guestbook. I love all of your input. OK, I'm going to start dismantling my computer and prepare it for the ride home. I don't know how I'll be able to update the site, but I'll definitely be working on it off-line, and I'll do my best to keep the pages coming. Take care, and if I don't get a chance to update, have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Love, Randy

November 30, 2001 11:30 AM

Hi again, I see that since I have a little time while I recover from my cold since Thanksgiving that I should update. My Thanksgiving was alright, got to see loads of family in Vegas, won a bunch of toys for my little cousin at Circus Circus, went to Star Trek Experience, all in all a good vacation. Came back and found out that I had also caught a little bug from my little cousin as well, which couldn't happen at a worse time since this was hell week for my play, which is being performed tonight by the way. For the folks in the UCLA area, it's called Star Cross'd and it's being shown at the Northwest Campus Auditorium right next to Sproul Hall tonight and Sunday, Dec. 2nd at 8 pm, doors open at 7:30. Admission's free, so hopefully our performance can live up to what you're paying. :-P It's a good show, and I really like the character I'm playing. So enough with my plugging, more about the rest of what's going on. This week is also the blitz to get signatures for the diversity requirement petition. You see, UCLA is the only UC campus that doesn't have a diversity requirement and we're scrambling to let the professors know who will be voting on the new General Education requirements to add a diversity requirement. It means a lot that people know about the struggles of oppressed communities like those of color, women, and LGBTs, so we have until Dec. 5th when the votes happen to get the signatures. By the way, I strongly encourage people to sign the petition, so if you want to sign it, or just want to learn more about our struggle, go to www.diversityatucla.org. All this stuff going on, and I still have class!! URGH! OK, well it's time to drink my tea now and do some more recovering before the performance tonight. Take care, everybody! PS Sorry I haven't added more pictures recently. Those take a bit of effort to put up, but hopefully during the lull in finals week I'll have a chance to put up a few more!

November 21, 2001 3:57 PM

Hello folks, it's been two weeks and I've finally made an update! Incredible, huh? These past two weeks have just been filled with midterms and papers and Samahang that I haven't a chance to update in a while. First off, I would like to wish belated happy birthdays to my father and to Emily, Samahang's Activities Coordinator! We had a chance to celebrate Emily's birthday at the Cheescake Factory, but I'm afraid I neglected to call my dad up for his birthday. I'm so awful at birthday stuff; I totally don't remember any of it. My apologies to my family in the Bay; I promise to make it up when I see you later tonight in Las Vegas! That's right, I'm spending Turkey Day in the City of Sin with most of my folks. I'm so looking forward to it; I haven't seen any of my family in months! I look forward to all that food, as well as getting some great R&R, not to mention laundry done! As for the rest of the past two weeks, ummmm, I frankly don't remember much of it, just doing stuff for Asian Pacific Coalition mostly...uhhh, maybe that's why I didn't update, 'cuz there wasn't much to update... Ohh, now I remember, I was busy with Star Cross'd, my play, that's going to be on next week! It hasn't hit me that we're going to perform in about a week and a half, but I'm getting there! I haven't performed in a play in so long, and I'm really looking forward to it. It is probably the most difficult role I've ever had, but at the same time it is also one of the most rewarding. The character I play, Pastor Masai Masterson, has been racking my brain day and night for the past two weeks and I simply can't get away from this character. I hope it shows next week; I've worked really hard to portray Masai in all his humanity and complexity, and I hope it all pays off. OK, I'm pretty much done, now it's time to wait for my cousin and count the hours 'til I see my folks again. Happy Thanksgiving everybody, and I hope to write in really soon!